The Reason for This Season

This will be brief and to the point because I know that this is a busy time that will hopefully be spent celebrating the life of Jesus Christ and celebrating love as you spend time with family, friends and loved ones. Here it is approaching noon on Christmas Eve, and I have become my mother-I will be in the stores trying to finish last minute shopping! It is also my baby sister's birthday, so I am finishing up birthday shopping as well. This part of the year has just been so hectic and it took me some time for the holiday spirit to kick in, but it is in high gear now as I concentrate on the things that count most-the desire to present material things to my loved ones came afterward and I am so blessed and thankful to be in a position to do so with an open heart.

Before I wish you all a wonderful holiday season, I have some great news to share, which goes back to my last post about keeping the faith and not letting worry enter your mind. During my mom's visit last Monday she told me that she found out that the corrections facility that she had just began assisting in packing up for its closure will not be having new arrivals from another state out east, which means she will have her job a while longer. She also shared that she would begin a new internship this week that worked around her work hours so she could earn the credits she needs toward earning her Master's degree in counseling. All of this, by the way, was told to me in a matter-of-fact manner like, "Oh, and by the way...!" That is my mother though, and I am so happy for these blessings that have come to her. God always knows how to work, and at the right time. On that note, it is my time to close this by saying Merry Christmas to you and yours, stay safe, and be blessed...until next time. By the way, I decided to add a picture of my baby cousin and I; she lives in Muskegon so I do not see her as often as I like but I love this picture of us from my visit just weeks ago!
:)

"I'm So Glad!"

Has It truly been that long since I have written? Well I can believe it because I have been burnt out this fall-I went from not working to working two jobs (yes, I did get that teaching position!). In a way, I have felt that I have lost myself in the everyday routine of being back in the workforce, but do not get me wrong-it has been a blessing to be back out there again. It is all just a matter of juggling it all and keeping Him (the Almighty one upstairs) FIRST!

Speaking of which, I have to give thanks and praise to the way He makes things work. This past weekend I attended my sister's coronation at Muskegon Heights High School (also my old stomping grounds-class of 92!), which turned out beautiful-just look at the attached pictures. It is her senior year and I remember thinking as her senior year began how expensive things were going to be for my mom and the family, and this not including her being voted Homecoming Queen (which meant more expenses to go toward the Homecoming dress and then coronation dress, etc). At the beginning of the year my mom was notified that her correctional facility that she works for was going to be closing down by October. I was concerned when I heard the news, but watching her as she dealt with the news without any worries made me quit worrying as well.
Still, right before the school year began for my sister I could not help but think and ask how would my family be able to afford what was to come, not to mention the fact I have another sister in Alabama in college, trying to make it on a limited income. Even with my minor setback of not having transportation for over the past two months, I was wondering how would I adjust to not being able to jump up and go as I was used to. There were so many thoughts and questions on my mind.

Ironically, the school year began and months went by; I witnessed so many blessings and surprises throughout these past months, as doors opened up and now here we are today-approaching Christmas after having returned from a trip to Alabama for Thanksgiving to visit my sister and her new husband, my mom is still working at that same facility that was supposed to shut down by October, I have been getting around as much as I did when I did have a car, and my baby sister got everything she needed and wanted to represent her title as the Queen of Muskegon Heights High School.

As I watched her on the stage, I could not help but think of how much she has grown from that tiny, little girl who was always getting into something into this beautiful young woman looking like royalty right before my eyes (who is still always getting into something!). I am told you are not supposed to be too proud of anything, but I cannot find any other words to describe the atmosphere Saturday night as I watched her, and I was not alone. The support from family who came to witness this ceremony (cousins who came home from college for the evening to support her), and church family who were scattered throughout the auditorium-your presence was so appreciated to share in this once-in-a-lifetime experience that meant so much to her, and just think-all she was hoping for was to make it on the royal court. We're just entering winter right now-I cannot wait to see what the next few months as we go into Spring 2010 have to offer; not just for her but for all of us.
Well it is time for bed-I have been gone for a while but I will not stay gone that long ever again friends. I will be talking to you soon-stay blessed!

:)

Always Right On Time

Wow, where do I begin-and how can I make this as short as I can at almost 3:00 am (you all know I can get long-winded in my writing)?! Well, let me start with the most important thing: My 35th birthday!

A week ago exactly, on August 1st, I brought in my birthday with family and friends. As one trusted confidant explained to me the week previous to my birthday, I had reached the half-way point of life; age 70 is the age many live up to, as I was told. Thinking of that shook me up for a brief moment, but then I began to think on how reaching my 35th birthday at this day in age is a blessing. There have been so many deaths of our peers that it makes you appreciate things about your life and reflect on the good and the not so good.

Outside of a celebration of life, I was celebrating more blessings that came my way during my birthday week. Since I have began these blogs, my mood has been up and down as I have dealt with the loss of employment during these trying times, relationships (or lack there of), etc. When the week started I was receiving a call EVERY DAY from places I had applied for positions months back. I had one interview that week and scheduled an interview for the following week. By the time I began my birthday celebration two days early, I was offered a FT job with the State that will last at least a year! I did not even have to interview for it again- I just was asked to take a drug test.
Also, after being turned down twice for a teaching position from my former place of employment, I had my second interview for a teaching position with another institution in writing and composition, and I have a wonderful feeling about this one. I felt no fear as I stood in front of the group I performed my demonstration for; it just came naturally for me, in addition to the fact that I had some angels who helped prepare me for this opportunity. I thought how weird that this preparation was not there the past couple of times I applied for a teaching position, but then I realized that that place was not meant for me to work there anymore. Next week on Monday I should hear back about this evening part-time teaching position, which I will gladly accept. What a feeling to look back at where I was months ago, and then think about my faith and belief in God and what blessings He had (and has) in store for me.

I, from personal experience, know how hard it is to keep that faith when you know all the hard work you put in to overcome obstacles that seem to never let up and try to stay positive only to have others seem to let you down or not be fully supportive. I had been in this position of not being employed before and going through the whole job search grind, but this time was a little different in both bad and good ways.
The bad included not landing many interviews during the six-and-a-half month period of constantly looking and applying for work, and having some days where I could not afford gas to drive from one end of town to the other. The good, most importantly, included not having a bit of worry like the old Shanika would have had when the thought of taking care of my bills came to mind; God always made a way for me to take care of what I needed to from month to month. My relationship with Him (praying and reading my bible more) also grew stronger. For some, going through such trials can cause one to question why such things happen, and then may cause some to lose their faith and belief in Him. I knew, though, that He would not have me go through anything that I could not handle. Do not get me wrong though; there were moments I shed some tears of frustration and asked why me, but within minutes I would be fine again. I have learned some valuable lessons over the past few months (and then some) so now the plan is to continue leaning on Him as I experience these blessings and prepare for the many more that are yet to come. I know things are about to change for the better in all areas of my life, and I am ready for these blessings that have my name stamped on them.

I can go on and on about my birthday weekend, which was fabulous and went even better than planned-from the awesome comedy show in Grand Rapids, the time with family and friends in Muskegon, the socializing with my Sands, Sorors and friends in Detroit on my actual birthday (ending with a wonderful time at a friend's house party/BBQ), to church and brunch-but I can come back to that another time. The message for this blog is staying prayerful, positive and faithful, and remembering that your plan may not always work. He may not always answer or come when you want Him, but He is always right on schedule....remember that. Until next time, take care...
Oh, and let me also say thank you to all of you who have genuinely been a part of my support system during these times; I have not forgotten or overlooked that.

Months of Reflection

I can't believe it has been months since my last blog, but life has a habit of keeping things moving and making you lose track of the days. There have been so many things taking place since my last entry, both good and bad, but I am still moving forward as always. I will say though, I have missed "letting it all out" on here because it is a healing process for myself to release emotions and thoughts that I need to get out of my head and onto this blog, and hopefully they are thoughts that help you in some kind of way as well.

First, the full-time job search continues on, and basing it off the last time I was unemployed and looking for work, I thought I would have landed that career position by now but I have not. What has happened though is that I have landed a small, freelance writing job that keeps me a little more busy and I have made some connections with other resources for my writing. What this is telling me is that God's plan for me right now is to continue reaching out and reaching others with my writing, and to keep pushing further to build a bigger audience with this gift. If that is what He has in store, I willingly accept. I have been blessed to still be able to live on my own and take care of the bills and responsibilities I need to manage (and thanks go out to those angels in my life who have helped more than they know), so I am not complaining. There have been some tough times, like when I needed extra funds to road trip it to Atlanta for my residency; such trips and outside costs can make things a little tight, but I continue to bounce back.

Speaking of residency, I headed south by myself, giving me time to reflect on life and what is in store for me. Outside of the life issues I have mentioned above, I had so many other things on my mind about my life-plenty of "when" concerns: When will Mr. Right come along? When will all these Mr. Wrongs stop coming along? When will the full-time job come along? When will I stop struggling, etc.? Along the way I stopped to see a cousin and her beautiful home in Tennessee; my cousin had recently moved from Michigan due to her job and purchased this new home only to find that in the next few days of my visit that she might be without this job soon due to the bad economy. Her spirit was still positive and encouraging and she was ready to face whatever was in store.
I then headed to Alabama to see my younger sister and drop off a care package of items from my mom. It is always so nice to see my sister and witness how she has matured into a strong, beautiful young woman making things happen. She had a few setbacks being away at college there in AL, but she made it past those obstacles and is doing great. She has also found a church home and has gotten involved with managing a ministry and accepting her calling. So much she has learned about herself at a young age, things I never thought about at age 19, and I am so happy that she follows her heart and what God has planned for her, not following the crowd or listening to what others think or try to demand she needs to do with her life.

When I made it to Atlanta, residency was an experience that awakened me to the fact that I am now at a point where it is time for me to get serious and start working on my dissertation. For me, this means there is no turning back. Since losing my job back in January, I had questioned whether or not I would finish school because now I am paying for this all by myself-the job no longer is there to help pay for it. I have been blessed though that every time some money has been due, God always makes a way for me to take care of it. I know that this means that this is something I am meant to complete, so I will not entertain anymore doubts about this issue again. Next year, 2010, will be my last residency-to hear that fact made me realize how fast this is going and it gets me even more excited about the fact that I will be Dr. Shanika P. Carter (maybe another last name if my husband comes into my life by then!) in 2012. Wow, how amazing is that?! The encouragement and support that I receive about this from family, friends and associates always surprises me because for some reason I do not think of it as something extraordinary or impressive that I am doing. I had no idea going in that I could encourage so many by taking the chance to put myself out there and reach for something so special. I will keep that in mind whenever I brush this off as just an average or everyday thing that anyone can do. I feel that anything is possible, yes, but maybe it is not feasible for some people for whatever reason so I am thankful for the opportunity to pursue my higher education.
So my road trip brought me face-to-face with people who are doing things and living life above the obstacles and struggles that face them, and looking good doing it too! That is always very encouraging.

The way things have been happening lately in all areas of my life, I feel the need to start another blog or two because I am encountering events and feelings that would make this one blog entirely too long. I am going to decide how I will break these blogs up, but one I definitely want to start has to do with memories, events or people who have left some kind of impact on my life and my growing process. One such recent event within the past couple of weeks was the passing of the greatest entertainer that ever lived in my book-Michael Joseph Jackson.

There are no words to describe the love I had for this icon; I feel I do myself an injustice calling myself a fan because I feel it was more than that even if I never had the chance to see him live and in person. That will always be a regret of mine, because he ranked in my #1 spot of dream concerts. I cannot explain it, but anyone that knows me best-just ask my family-can share with you the child I was in the 80s following MJ and his family. I know there were many of us out there, so shout outs to all of those who can relate. His passing was one that I knew if it ever happened, so many would be affected, but I never thought that it would happen so soon.

A reporter, and I have done my best not to listen to too many of them lately, said it best when she said his life was similar to a Benjamin Button; he grew up so fast and sang with so much soul as that of an experienced man, but as he got older he had a childlike innocence and quality about him that seemed to come out because he did not have the chance to live out his childhood like other children. He entertained and touched us for years with his talent, so now although it is sad he's physically gone, he now can rest in peace. He will forever live in our hearts, and we have his musical legacy to keep us going. My first entry in my second blog I will create this week will be dedicated to the King of Pop because of the impact he had on my life, from the time I was a kid watching those Jackson Five cartoon reruns and pulling out my mom's Off the Wall album (yes, ALBUM!) and singing along with the words on Wood Street.

It has bothered me to hear certain people comment and say too many people are recognizing or idolizing MJ like he's a God. Let me be clear though, and I am speaking on behalf of myself and anyone else like me. I know who the head of my life is and what God is to me so I dare anyone to question that. My sadness and shock about MJ's passing cannot be compared to the passing of Jesus Christ, and I have heard a few make that point; they say that people did not cry or mourn the death of Christ the same as they have MJ's death. For anyone to say such a thing as that makes me think that they are the ones putting MJ in the same category of Christ. With that said, do not come to me with any of that mess. Let me celebrate MJ's life the way I want and when I get this second blog up with it being dedicated to MJ, if you do not want to read anymore about him then you do not have to read it. If you have any memories you want to share according to my entries in this new blog, I welcome you to do so. So be looking for my second blog by the end of the week here under my name.
Have a blessed day and weekend!

By the way, the picture above on the left is when I began my road trip. I have since taken myself through a physical transformation, choosing to make a change I had been contemplating for the past few months but decided to do regardless of what anyone else thought. Decided to get a haircut should not be so deep of an issue, but when it comes to women and hair it can be quite serious! I love my new look though (above on the right). :)

Unexpected Responsibility

Before I get into tonight's message, I have not forgotten that I never finished my review of my getaway at the Massanutten Resort in Virginia. It was truly a blessed opportunity for me to not only relax but be amongst some very motivating and inspirational women. Here are a couple of pics from the weekend. One final highlight of the trip was the symbolic gift that one of the women purchased and gave each of us. She said that after spending time with us, she decided to give us each a little box of scented paper soaps each with a message that she manually added to the box that represented what she saw in us. Her message to me was "bloom". When I think of bloom, I think of a flower-how it flourishes; comes into its own beauty. So since that trip I have made every effort not to disappoint my new friend. I have been on a nonstop mission to bloom in every area of my life, and when I need to be reminded of that message I just go wash my hands-that simple. :)

Now to today's message. I am only human, so to say that I stay motivated and happy all the time is untrue. Occasionally I wake up feeling a little frustrated at certain aspects of my life and how it seems that I work so hard to accomplish so much but it seems to be in vain sometimes. Do not get me wrong, I acknowledge and I am so thankful for the blessings I receive daily, but like I said I am only human and sometimes we let the devil get in our minds. Anyway, Tuesday was one of those days for me where for a brief moment I woke up feeling this way. I had nothing on my schedule, and I was about to have a pity party. As soon as I felt myself going there I told myself to stop, and think back on the past few days-the past few days were exciting: spent time with family and friends, received full points from my instructor on not only my last paper but the one before, had a job interview that I feel confident about, connected even more with an old crush from undergrad that I would have never thought I would speak to, let alone have much in common with, etc. So I immediately grabbed my various books of daily inspiration to get myself back together and I was just fine after that.

This, lately, has not been unusual for me to do, but one of the common themes I picked up on from my words of inspiration was being an example to others through the words I speak and my actions. In one instance, I closed my eyes and prayed that I would open one of my inspirational books to the page I needed to see today; after a few seconds I opened the book and the first page I looked at had this message for me-Responsibility-People Watch Me in Order to Hear God. The message went into how I should not think of myself and my accmplishments as insignificant and that the lessons I have learned in life and the things I have experienced may inspire others. Very ironic huh? Well it gets even better.

Not even an hour or so later I received an email from a young lady who befriended me here in Grand Rapids last year when she invited me to some local professional development and networking events. She is graduating with her Masters degree in communications from Grand Valley State, same degree and school as myself. Although I knew she was graduating within the next month, it never crossed my mind that she, or anyone else for that matter, was going through the same feelings and state of mind that I did when I was graduating. I mentioned how frustrating it is to feel like you work so hard to only feel like it's all in vain; that feeling is even worst when you are right on the verge of completing a degree where you have just completed so many requirements and you are so hopeful about the next career opportunity, but steady getting rejection letters. This is how this young lady was feeling, but at the time I decided to call her as her email requested, I had no idea. Usually I have brief little interactions with her, but today she needed a friend, someone who could relate to what she was experiencing. I would have initially been the first to say that I am still in her shoes and trying to get past those obstacles as well, but from listening to her and answering her questions I found that I was able to help encourage her and help her see things in a different perspective. She sounded depressed when I called her, but she seemed to have "bloomed" by the time we ended the call and in a way I had something to do with that.

With that being said, I say to never disregard or underestimate yourself, your accomplishments, character, etc. because someone may be watching and following your lead, even when you do not feel you are being recognized or appreciated. It is not a responsibility that I knowingly accepted; it was totally unexpected to me but one that God had in store for me to take on today. Please be willing to accept the responsibilities that He brings your way as well.

In Need of an Attitude Adjustment Perhaps?

Well I am on my second night of my "Sista-Friend" Retreat at the Massanutten Resort in Harrisonburg, VA and already I feel so empowered and renewed; this is totally not what I expected with this trip but I believe that certain people and events happen when they do for a reason.

I had been preparing for this road trip with my mom, cousin, and their co-workers and family members/friends for weeks now, not really sure what to expect. The fact that my mom and cousin were traveling 11 hours on the road with these ladies told me that this would be a good group of women to be around, but the thought of the long drive/ride to an unknown place and spending a whole week here was making me a little uneasy. Why, I do not know. I tend to always get this feeling, mixed with excitement, right before I am about to experience something different and unknown, but also the past couple of weeks have had me up and down.

My relationship issues and state of singlehood have had me in a mood lately-well, maybe not my status but the potentials or lack there of. Also with the frustrations of the job search and lack of call backs, I was dreading the whole getting to know new people process, explaining my jobless state and getting that sympathetic look from strangers feeling sorry for me and pitying me, changing my positive outlook to one of negativity. Quite honestly, I did not really realize the funk I was in until someone that I do business with pointed it out to me days before my trip; pretty much read me like a book without me opening my pages!

Anyway, sharing her experiences with me so openly and honestly and giving me positive feedback and encouragement lifted me up at a time I guess I needed it most because I began to feel much better and excited about the possibility of things to come, both professionally and personally. It is not that I did not already know what it was that she told me, but sometimes we just need reminding. Her timing was perfect. Then on the road trip here to Virginia, before we made it to the resort I found that I was placed in the presence of some beautiful-spirited encouraging women. Our living complex arrangements were set up where I would be in the upper chalet with three women in my age group (although I am still the youngest), while my mom and cousin were donwstairs with their co-workers.

The first night of sitting around taking turns getting to know one another, I found out that I was the only single, childless, jobless woman in the room! The way it sounds from reading this may sound like I'm about to go there to that negative place, but I am not. These women spoke and encouraged me in ways that made me feel ashamed of even dreading this meeting in the first place. When I revealed that I was in school going for my doctorate degree, which is something I did not immediately reveal, that seemed to be the thing that stuck out to them about me more than anything. While I was sitting up here thinking here I am at 34 still in school trying to get somewhere in life, they were sitting there impressed and in awe of what I accomplished and that I was doing such a thing! They began giving me all kinds of encouragement. They shared some of their experiences: from many years of marriage with kids in college and having just gotten back into school to get a degree, to many years in a common law union and being satisfied with no marriage, to a long-distance marriage where although the communication/contact is not the most desired, they have been making it work. Very different paths we have taken, but so much in common just the same.

They told of their trips to Paris and other places where I long to go myself; we talked about fashion likes and dislikes, and we spoke on relationships and everything else under the sun-just in two days! One of the common things in all of us that I discovered from listening and observing is the drive for more in our lives, whether it be higher education, goals and dreams for their children, or spiritual growth. Like I said earlier, I feel that certain people and events come in your life when they do for a reason; taking this trip months ago when I did have a job and more money may not have had the same impact and sense of enlightenment and growth that I feel I have now, so no more regrets about it. Also, I will not question God's timing in the blessings we receive anymore. To top this all off, I have received an email since arriving here to interview for a job once I return back to MI. How ironic is that, considering I have been sitting at home for months now having not interviewed with anyone but as soon as I leave MI I receive an interview request? Maybe I needed an attitude adjustment before meeting face-to-face with this potential employer.

Anyway, it is late and the activities begin in a few hours; actually, my first activity is an arts and cratfs fair with a wine and beer tasting at 2:00 pm, so I still have time to get plenty of rest. I will be back with a new posting once I return to MI this weekend, and maybe a couple of photos!
Have an uplifting week, and I want to say "thank you" for encouraging me and lifting me up and enlightening me, even when you do not realize it-hope I am doing the same for you.

Shanika is..."Just Being"

It has been a while since I wrote, but I have to say that 2009 has started off with quite a bang. The way I look at it though, get all the drama out the way now so the rest of the year can go as smooth as it can. Wishful thinking huh?! It is possible though. :)

To get caught up and to clear all the clutter out of my head, let me start with January. I knew it was coming and it finally did-I lost my enrollment position that I had for a year-and-a-half, but surprisingly I have been the most relieved and calm Shanika I have ever been. I had been preparing myself for this a good couple of months beforehand, which I think helped with this transition, but I have also been getting closer to my spiritual side; reading my bible more, going to bible study, etc. If it was not this dependence on my faith and that God always makes a way, then I probably would be a mess. I served my purpose in this position, so now it's time to keep moving forward.

Although I have at least one day out of the week where I wake up feeling like I need to be doing more and I'm just wasting time "just being", I have learned that I had so much going on with work, school, and everything else I had going on. I think in a way that God did not stop this from happening because that was his way of saying, "Shanika, it is time to sit down somewhere and just relax!" On those days that I just do not feel like job searching and applying for jobs, not posting in my online classroom or reading chapters for the week, that is when He's telling me to "just be." Also, maybe this is the time for me to quit playing and do what I am supposed to be doing-writing and taking better care of me.

All of my close friends know that I want to become a fulltime writer; I also have goals of doing some teaching at the college level, and after having my bible studies I have come to realize too that speaking on a motivational level and reaching out to others is a part of my purpose as well. I have definitely been getting back into my writing these last few months, and once I complete a project I feel like this is exactly what I am supposed to be doing. Also, I lost touch with myself. After losing my job I had a pitiful moment; felt like my upcoming ski trip that had been planned for over a month was something I should not partake of because of my situation. If it was not for my sorority sisters staging a so-called intervention and flooding me with phone calls, voicemails, and IMs on Facebook, I would have stayed home and probably let the devil get in my head. I ended up going and had the best time hanging out and getting away-just like being back in undergrad, although I think I partied more than I did in undergrad (all in that one weekend!). Why had I not had a weekend like that recently where I just had fun, without any worries? What has been my hold up exactly in these different areas of my life?

Has it been life, and the fact that while living it and trying to make it we just get so wrapped up into the routine and forget about the things that we dream about accomplishing? Or maybe we're just scared; one thing about myself is that I have, up until just recently, always been afraid of rejection. I hated being told no, turned away, not being liked or accepted, anything where I was being rejected. Now I see how ridiculous that is because no one ever gets their way all the time. Life brings you curveballs and you just have to learn how to swerve around them so you won't keep getting hit and knocked down. I have been here before, so I know that I can rebound from this and that it will most likely be something better behind the next door, so why hold yourself back when you know there's someting better in store for you?

For me, I ask why don't I just knock out these writing projects and become that writer I want to be? Why hold on to these relationships that are not going anywhere and just settle? Why keep holding on to the jobs I'm sick of and actively start looking for something better? Why not tackle those new recipes I have been collecting for months and see if I can be the next Betty Crocker? Why not go to the gym and become a better, healthier me, instead of worrying about all the others around me who "appear" to be in better shape thinking if they're looking at me? I'm telling you, throwing on my iPod and playing Beyonce as I strut it around that track and on that stair stepper as I imagine myself in that "Single Ladies" video takes me in a zone all on my own where I do not even notice the people around me-who, by the way, are not paying you any mind anyway!

So whatever fears or obstacles that are holding you back, snap out of it. If it's not that easy, which I admit it is not, then pray on it and ask for the strength, faith and direction. That has been the most important tool in my life as I take time to just take a step back, and just be.